Einstein the Class Hamster (Einstein the Class Hamster Series) Read online

  like antelope, monkeys,

  caimans, and lizards.

  They are constrictors

  who coil themselves

  around their prey before eating them.

  With each breath their victim takes, the

  python coils itself tighter until the prey

  stops breathing. Then they swallow them

  WHOLE, digesting everything except stuff

  like eggshells, beaks, fur, and feathers.

  Those indigestible items wind up as snake

  poop. The bigger the meal, the longer it

  takes to digest, so sometimes a python

  needs to eat only four or five times a year.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  a sPeCiAl

  gUeSt

  Einstein decided his show needed

  a remote segment with a special

  guest to boost ratings.

  He knew none of the students could

  hear him, but when he was singing the

  song he made up about prefixes and

  suffixes a few nights ago, he could’ve

  sworn the custodian was humming along.

  Maybe Mr. Wright was just waiting

  for an invitation to appear on

  AnSwEr . . . thAt . . . QuEStiON.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to

  introduce Mr. Wright, the custodian

  of our wonderful school. Mr. Wright,

  say hello to the people at home!”

  But Mr. Wright didn’t say a thing.

  “Mr. Wright, since you’re in charge

  of the school’s recycling program,

  you should be an expert on today’s

  segment of AnSwEr . . . thAt . . .

  QuEStiON!”

  Silence.

  “Here’s your first question: If a can

  ISN’T recycled, it can sit around and

  clutter up the planet for how long?

  Take your time, Mr. Wright.”

  More silence.

  “Any guesses? One year? Two? The

  answer is 100 years! That’s a long

  time, don’t you agree?”

  Mr. Wright continued to mop up the

  vomit in the hallway.

  “Maybe you’ll have better luck with

  this next question. Ready? If an

  aluminum can is recycled, how long

  before that recycled can is back on

  the grocery shelf?”

  Silence. Silence. Silence.

  “Care to venture a guess?” Einstein

  asked. “Well, it takes only TWO

  MONTHS to completely recycle a

  can into a new, usable one. That is

  one fun fact!”

  I guess Mr. Wright can’t hear me

  after all, Einstein thought. All this

  dead air is killing my show!

  “I’d like to thank my special guest,

  Mr. Wright. I hope everyone at home

  enjoyed this segment of AnSwEr . . .

  thAt . . . QuEStiON.”

  “Tough show today,” Einstein told

  Marlon. “Mr. Wright was Mr. Totally

  Wrong.”

  Marlon shrugged, which is pretty

  tough to do when most of your body

  is tucked inside a shell. “Do all rodents

  talk to themselves, or is it just you?”

  Einstein didn’t let Marlon deter

  him. He KNEW his show was good. If

  only he could get the kids to tune in.

  Einstein looked around the class-

  room. How could he do Tasty Tidbits

  without Ned cheering him on?

  “Be right there!” Ned called from his

  locker. “I won’t let you down.”

  Einstein smiled at his buddy. It was

  nice having a reliable friend.

  Scientists disagree on whether the large

  clumps of sperm whales’ undigested waste

  that sometimes wash up on shore are

  actually vomit or poop. The mass of waste

  is called ambergris and can float in the

  ocean for years. If found, ambergris is

  worth a fortune. And what is

  this whale waste

  prized for? It’s

  used to make

  perfume.

  CHAPTER SIX

  nEd aSkS eInStEiN

  fOr hElP

  Ms. Moreno burst into the classroom.

  “You wouldn’t believe what I saw on

  TV last night! The hit show KIDS KNOW

  STUFF is looking all around the country

  for classes to compete, and they’re

  holding auditions next week—here in

  town!”

  Einstein usually tried to ignore Ms.

  Moreno, but was she talking about a

  GAME SHOW?

  “The topics they cover on the show

  are the same subjects ­we’ve been

  studying all year. I ­can’t imagine a

  better class to represent our town

  than this one!” Ms. Moreno did her

  little happy dance around her desk.

  “How about a class field trip to the

  audition? What do you say?”

  “We say yes!” Bonnie shouted.

  “Absolutely!” said Ricky.

  Ned snuck over to the pencil

  sharpener to talk to Einstein.

  “You’ve got to let me come!” Einstein

  said. “No one in this class knows more

  about game shows than I do.”

  “Ms. Moreno won’t let you go on a

  field trip,” Ned said. “There’s no way.”

  “Please!” Einstein pleaded.

  “I’m sorry, Einstein.” Ned finished

  sharpening his pencil and went back

  to his desk.

  “Okay, class!” Ms. Moreno said. “Take

  out your—”

  But before she could finish the

  sentence, Ms. Moreno fell sound

  asleep at her desk.

  Bonnie took a pillow from the

  reading loft and tucked it underneath

  Ms. Moreno’s head. “Looks like

  Boerring Elementary ­doesn’t get a

  shot at KIDS KNOW STUFF after all,”

  Bonnie whispered.

  “Instead of FUN facts, it’s more like

  DONE facts,” Ricky added.

  Einstein perked up his tiny hamster

  ears. They need me, he thought.

  This is my moment to shine!

  “Don’t get any ideas,” Marlon said.

  “Nobody wants help from a hamster.”

  “Stop being so negative, Marlon.

  You’ll never reach your full turtle

  potential that way.”

  Marlon tucked his head into his

  shell. “You’re on your own, Einstein.”

  That whole hiding-in-

  the-shell thing is such a

  cop-out, Einstein thought.

  Einstein climbed on his hamster

  wheel and started to run. Faster,

  then faster still. If he ­couldn’t go to

  the game show with the class, at

  least he could help them study for

  the audition. He just had to figure

  out a way to get through to them.

  Believe it or not, turtles have been around

  for 200 million years. They live on every

  continent except one. (Can you guess? It’s

  Antarctica.) All turtles lay their eggs on

  land; baby turtles have an egg tooth they

  use to break out of the egg when it’s time

  to hatch. Like other reptiles, turtles are

  cold-­blooded. They may have a reputation

  for being slow, but sea turtles swim faster

  than any other reptile. And on level

&nbs
p; ground, the smooth softshell turtle can

  sometimes outrun a human.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  a fEw wOrDs aBoUt

  mS. mOrEnO

  The students had some theories

  about Ms. Moreno’s constant napping:

  That Ms. Moreno suffered from

  a sleeping disorder.

  That her neighbors ­were incredibly

  loud and kept Ms. Moreno up all

  night.

  That Ms. Moreno was the rare

  individual who needed eighteen

  hours of sleep each day.

  Because Einstein had to stay at

  Ms. Moreno’s sometimes, he knew

  the REAL reason for her daily

  catnaps. Ms. Moreno fell asleep

  throughout the day because she

  stayed up all night watching

  infomercials. Ms. Moreno loved

  hearing about the latest gadgets,

  weight-­loss programs, and skin-

  cleansing regimens advertised late

  at night. Her wee hours ­were filled

  with juicers and yoga DVDs and

  ceramic knives. There just ­weren’t

  enough hours in the day to learn

  about all these fabulous products.

  It was too bad KIDS KNOW STUFF

  ­wouldn’t be asking any questions

  about how to add sparkly beads to

  your clothes because that was one

  audition Ms. Moreno would ace.

  If you’re wondering whether sleep

  disorders are real, they are. More than

  20 percent of Americans suffer from

  chronic sleep loss. And not

  getting enough sleep

  can have disastrous

  effects: More than

  1,500 people a year

  die because drivers fall

  asleep at the wheel.

  Cars aren’t the only

  place where it’s deadly

  to fall asleep. Tired people making

  critical decisions contributed to the

  Exxon Valdez oil spill, the Chernobyl

  nuclear disaster, and the Challenger

  space shuttle explosion. It’s important

  to get your sleep!

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  eInStEiN’s

  pLaN

  “Your class will never pass the

  audition next week with Ms. Moreno

  asleep all the time,” Einstein said. “So

  I’m stepping in as teacher.”

  “But no one ­else in the class can

  hear you,” Ned said.

  “That’s why YOU have to translate,”

  Einstein said.

  “How’s THAT going to work?”

  Einstein patiently explained his plan.

  “I’ll review my notes with you, then

  YOU tell the other students what I’m

  saying.”

  “I ­can’t tell them a hamster helped

  me study—they’ll think I’m nuts!

  Besides, no one listens to me.”

  “But you’re the smartest kid in

  class.”

  “You’re just saying that because I’m

  the only one who talks to you.”

  “Come on,” Einstein pleaded. “You

  and I are the best chance this class

  has to get on that show.”

  When Ned looked over at Ms.

  Moreno snoring at her desk, he had

  to agree Einstein had a point. “I’m not

  sure the other kids will believe the

  class hamster not only talks but has

  been taking notes,” Ned said.

  “Once they realize I can help them,

  they’ll TOTALLY believe it.”

  Ned knew his classmates liked

  having Einstein in the class and liked

  taking him out of his cage to hold

  him. But Ned doubted any of them

  could comprehend a class hamster

  who knew more about the solar

  system than they did.

  “Why don’t I just teach the class?”

  Ned suggested. “Don’t you think that

  makes more sense?”

  “I WANT TO TEACH THE CLASS!”

  Einstein cried. “IT’S MY DREAM!”

  Ned had never seen a hamster have

  a tantrum before. It was NOT a

  pretty sight.

  “Okay, okay,” Ned said. “I’ll translate

  for you.”

  “Good! Let me just freshen up

  backstage.”

  Ned slowly approached Ms. Moreno’s

  desk. This was a terrible idea.

  “Um...​I have a plan for how we can

  ace the audition without Ms. Moreno,”

  Ned told the class. “But it’s pretty hard

  to believe.”

  Bonnie looked up from her comic

  book. Ricky put away his phone.

  “I found someone who can tutor us,”

  Ned said. “Someone who’s been in our

  classroom all along.”

  Bonnie looked around. Who was Ned

  talking about?

  CUPCAKES

  ARE NOT

  VEGETABLES

  “This is it,” Einstein told Marlon.

  “The day EVERYONE gets to play

  AnSwEr...​thAt...​QuEStiON.”

  Marlon let out a sigh. “You don’t

  have a game show,” the turtle said

  for the millionth time. “You answer

  your own questions.”

  But Einstein ­wasn’t listening. His

  moment of fame was finally ­here.

  “You probably won’t be able to hear

  him, so I’ll translate,” Ned said to the

  class. “His name is—”

  Ms. Moreno suddenly snorted

  herself awake.

  “Is everybody ready to talk about

  Mars?” she asked. “There are so many

  amazing facts about the planets!”

  “NO, no, no!” Einstein cried. “It’s

  MY turn to teach, not yours! Go back

  to sleep! Let me get you a glass of

  warm milk!”

  “Ned,” Ms. Moreno said, “since you’re

  up ­here, why don’t you share a few

  facts about Mars? They might come

  in handy on KIDS KNOW STUFF.”

  Ned glanced over at Einstein. He had

  never seen a hamster look so sad.

  The planet Mars is home to something that

  may sound like an alien but isn’t—the

  mysterious dust devil. Similar to tornadoes,

  dust devils are columns of wind that move

  along the surface of a planet when the

  ground gets warm. Earth has dust devils

  too, but the ones on Mars can be up to

  50 times as wide and 10 times as high

  as dust devils here on Earth.

  CHAPTER NINE

  wHaT a

  bUmMeR!

  “Stop lying there like a lump. You’re

  scaring me,” Marlon told Einstein.

  But Einstein didn’t answer. Instead

  he buried himself in the little cave

  of shredded paper in his cage. He

  gathered together a pile of food

  to play with as he stared out into the

  classroom.

  Look at them, Einstein thought as

  he watched the students. They’re so

  lucky—­learning new facts about the

  world. And I was ALMOST the one

  to teach them.

  “Here comes someone to break up

  the pity party,” Marlon said.

  Einstein sat up with a start as

  Principal Decker walked into the room

  carry­ing Twinkl
es. He moved several

  of Ms. Moreno’s plants and cleared a

  space on the shelf for Twinkles’s tank.

  When Twinkles slithered to the side

  closest to Einstein, the hamster

  buried himself deeper into his home-

  made cave.

  “Hello-­o-o-o-o,” Twinkles hissed.

  “You look like you need a hug.”

  Einstein ignored the despicable

  python.

  “Just a little squeeze,” Twinkles

  continued. “You’ll feel so much better.”

  To Einstein’s surprise, Marlon piped

  up from his plastic lagoon. “Leave him

  alone,” Marlon said. “Einstein’s having

  a bad day.”

  Twinkles ignored the turtle.

  “Just a teeny tiny hug,” Twinkles

  said. “I guarantee it’ll help.”

  From inside his cave, Einstein

  peeked out at Twinkles. He had to

  admit a hug DID sound good.

  WAIT! What was he thinking?

  Twinkles was trouble. Twinkles was

  evil.

  “Come on,” Marlon told Einstein.

  “It’s only a matter of time before Ms.

  Moreno falls asleep again. Maybe you

  ARE the one to help them.”

  Marlon was right. Enough moping.

  Einstein had to help the class prepare.

  “Are you sure?” Twinkles asked one

  more time. “Just a little cuddle?”